Pagan and the Pit(bulls)

The political musings of a Pagan and her dogs.


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On performing trauma for sadists

About a year into my relationship with my ex-husband, he proudly told said that he didn’t believe that I was raped until he saw my night terrors on the anniversary of the trauma. He was so proud of his skepticism, that he didn’t unfairly judge a man he had never met. If he realized that he destroyed my trust in him, he never mentioned it. I doubt he ever did. I also doubt he realized how that compounded the trauma I was recovering from.

I was required to perform my trauma to his satisfaction before I was believed, and then once I had performed well I was to get over it. To not let it impact my life. To ignore the harm that came from repeating the event in detail over and over.

On a much grander scale, this is what Dr. Ford is going through. Many members of the public do not believe her, and she has had death threats and has had to spend the time she would use to prepare her testimony talking to the FBI about her safety. When she testifies, she will be asked invasive question after invasive question. She will construct the scene as accurately as she can for the salivating GOP.

That same GOP and their deplorable supporters will hoard her story and use it as the foundation for their rape fantasies. They will take her trauma and use it to get off. And after they will tell her to go home and continue her life like nothing happened.

Like her family and life weren’t threatened.

Like she wasn’t forced to re-open her wounds for their pleasure.

Like she wasn’t forced to bleed for them.

So I stand with her. Today, and every day, I stand with survivors and I believe them. I hold space with Dr. Ford and send Unconditional Love to give her strength from the Divine.